Work Horses

Staying with Aunt Anna for the week taught these kids some valuable life lessons. One is that Aunt Anna is a blast to spend time with. Two is that Aunt Anna likes to outshine anyone else who spends time watching the kids. And three is that she will put you to work. So on a hot and sunny Thursday I bought lemonade from my own kids and niece and nephew.

They don't really like grocery shopping. But they do like two aisles at the store. One is the aisle with all the cookies and treats. There are never enough cookies, red vines, Swedish fish or sour patch kids in our shopping cart. And for some reason, the other aisle is the cleaning supplies. Either because they love my example of cleaning or they think I should clean more. I like to think it's the former. But every time we go down this aisle they run to the feathered dusters and get to work. This time I caught them. Too bad when I hand them these tools at home they just have blank stares for me...

I'm Going To Die

After she got out those words smothered in tears and hyperventilation, Little Nut had a great time at my company's Lagoon Day. Little did I know the free-fall ride would get her so worked up. This is the girl that raises her arms in the air and screams with delight when we drive downhill. The one who cheated her height to get onto rollercoasters when she was as young as three. The one who went on Tower of Terror four times on our last trip to Disneyland. So yes. I forced her, in her agony, onto the ride. She's ok now and recovering. But it was a sight to see! And suddenly Liitle Dude didn't want to go on any ride that had stairs leading up to it. Because he has learned that stairs going up means ride going down. He clung onto a pole and refused to continue. So I broke both his arms and hauled him up the ride. It was a rough start to the day for the Littles, but everyone rides in this family! After having them both in tears in the first 30 minutes, I was able to convince them to enjoy the rest of the day. Uncle Kip and Aunt Brittany came with us, as did Grandpa Mike and Grandma Paula.

The kids wanted prizes so I had to play some of the carny booths. I outmuscled the "how fast can you throw" booth for some nice Dodgers flags. And Grandma and Grandpa helped the Littles pop balloons and pick get enough duckies for their stuffed animals.

 

And here's the proof we had fun on the rollercoasters.

Learning

Little Nut is loving her latest venture into the realm of bows and arrows.

My little huntress.



Little Dude likes watching and waiting for his turn.

We hit up the Pioneer Park Historical Site with Grandpa Mike and Grandma Paula the other day. Besides learning that olden times sucked, we find out that they were also really desperate to appear taller back then. Weird. 

We also hit up the pool. At first the Dude didn't want to swim. But when he saw Nut got a snorkel and mask for learning how to dive, he was all about it. And you can see here, there she is in the background floating around rubbing it in on him. He'll be diving soon for sure now.

Faces

Yeah, they're usually smiling. And that's good. But I also love the range of faces and emotions kids go through. I can't help but laugh when they're mad. They try so hard to be angry at whatever is going on and I can only take it as an immediate challenge to get them to laugh too. I busted these two Littles the other day for just picking on each other. Whatever it was I just couldn't take the snapping and biting and whining anymore. So I put them in each in a chair. I started laughing so hard on the inside because they were trying so hard to stay mad at each other on the outside.

Within seconds they were laughing too. Apologized to each other and to me. A hug and a squeeze and they were back to playing. When I spanked them to bed that night I told them I was proud they chose to turn their attitudes around. I'm a lucky dad to have these little dorks.

Uncle Kip built the kids a rope swing the other day. Apparently he forgot to educate them on the principle of where you start your swing and how that relates to the path your swing will take you on. So the next day while I was working I heard a crash and then a cry. Little Nut came in crying and showed me a nice fresh wound on her left elbow. Turns out she ran straight into the tree the rope swing hung from. As I'm wiping the scrape and the tears I hear a familiar noise. Yep. A crash and a scream. And in came Little Dude with tears and a scrape. When all the sadness had finally left and all mortal wounds were bandaged, I took the Littles back outside to move the rope swing a few more feet out on the branch and educated them on the principles of physics, motion and trajectories. No wounds or tears since, but I do love these faces!

The Dude Expands His Horizons

How quickly his biking abilities are evolving. Just last year, all he was willing to do was ride in the carrier seat up front. And this year he moved to the tag-along tandem. But already he wants his own little peddler. I'm shocked!

 

 

 

Excellent Attendance

There was an end of year assembly at school last week. I found out the morning of the event. We weren't told there'd be any award for Bubble Toes, but she asked me to come anyway. And since I can't turn down an opportunity to be surrounded by people of my same mental capacity, I went to the elementary school. Turns out she won an award. Turns out that award was for Excellent Attendance.

 

 And as I thought about it, that should be an award I get at least partial credit for. I mean, I'm the one that drags her out of bed, feeds her breakfast, makes her lunch and drops her off . . . on time! So here is the picture I am submitting for the Wall of Awards. I think I've earned it!

For The Troops

Parenting 101

So my parenting skills often come under scrutiny. I don't see why. I'm a fantastic dad. I tell myself every night after I get done spanking the kids to sleep. So I thought it might be a good idea to give some pointers to the parents out there seeking advice.

 

POINT 1

After you light the candles of a birthday cake, and when everyone is singing to the birthday child, throw the cake on the ground (acting, of course, like you dropped it in a fit of clumsiness) just to remind the child that you can ruin anything for them. At any time. With people watching. It's my "you never know" tactic to keep them scared straight.

 

POINT 2

When it's raining, take them puddle jumping.

POINT 3

When they are struggling, video it.

PS- They're not allowed to ride on the seats with seat belts until they start helping to pay for insurance.

POINT 4

When teaching them to dive, tell the child you are going to trade them out for a different child if they can't do it.

POINT 5

If they think a song in a commercial is funny, make them sing it.

A May to Remember

Spring has come to our little West Jordan like a raging bull. Suddenly we have gorgeous sunny days and the Littles love whipping out the bikes and hitting the streets and local parks. Bubble Toes is doing all her riding this year and loves to lead in Follow the Leader. And the Dude has graduated to the tag-along rider. Except I don't remember Bubble Toes trying these stunts out at his age...

A perk of having the best real estate agent in the state is when he invites you to a private VIP screening of the new Avengers movie. Yep, I'm talking plush leather over-sized chairs, an ice cream bar (not ice cream on a stick, but an actual bar that serves you any ice cream you want), food catered to your seat and servants who clean your house while you're at the theater. Well, the last perk would have been a nice touch if it were real. But the rest was awesome. Oh, and we loved the movie too!

Thanks to Uncle Kip and Aunt Brittany we also sneaked in a California trip to see cousin PJ get dunked in the waters of baptism. So being home, close to the beach and surrounded by family, this is the only photo I got. Nice, right? The Maya Inn strikes again!

With Spring also comes outdoor activities. The kids were out on the patio chalking it up when I asked Reggie what the deal was with his stick figure. He was so proud. His stick figure ... has a wiener.

Mom and Dad also passed through town on their way home from California. Just to remind everyone that if we see a Yankees fan they'll get two things. A nice smile. And a punch in the guts.

On a side note. These kids eat too much. Recently the not-to-be-named state-run child oversight organization insisted that not only do I feed them daily, but I have to feed them MULTIPLE times a day! What a crock. Are other people being forced into this too?! My microwave is going to hate me.

Mom, Don't Read This!

Seriously.
Stop.

Snakes.

I warned you.

Found this little guy in the yard just before mowing. Let the kids hold him for a minute, then we mailed him to Idaho

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I found an excuse to see Gibbs this last weekend. Yes, I saw others as well, but I don't see some as much as others, so when I see the some, it makes the news and when I see the others, it doesn't as much. Makes sense?

One of my favorite parts of Gibbs? His kids. All of them. All five. It's a shame we don't get to see these kids more than we do although I'm not sure whether that's intentional on the part of their parents or not. Notice Gary's one eye smile in the photo? Now you know where the Dude gets it. And here's most of them after the baptism. Cousin fun is some of the best fun!

April Flowers

For some reason the other morning before school felt like a picture morning.



What do you do when your 4 year old wants to wear his Halloween shirt in April? You say OK.

Spring Break Remodel

So I'm often asked what I do when the Littles leave me to go on vacation. Well, after I eat their candy, break their toys, sleep in their beds, and rummage through their closets to wear their clothes, I get restless and redo their bedrooms. This year, in particular, I felt Nut's room needed a makeover. Something that says "a girl lives here" rather than "a girl's dad decorated". So I enlisted the help of some coworkers and a sister-in-law to put the project together and give me that feminine insight that I'm lacking. And they helped me take a pretty plain room to a whole new level.

BEFORE

IN PROGRESS

 

What you don't see is that we also added a desk, got stuff hung up on the walls and some shelves and blah blah blah. A lot of stuff. Now she's able to have all of her nick nacks out, pictures and other things that were wasting away in storage bins in closets. So here's her reaction when you got back from out of town.

 



 

I really couldn't have done it without Jamie from work and Kip's miracle gal Brittany. And so many people offered little items or help along the way. Thanks guys. It was worth it and I love it. And every time I see this video I smile. Big. And now this is her favorite place. She even does homework at her desk by the light of her Eiffel Tower lamp.

 The dude got a new bookshelf and room design too, but he still colors out at the living room table.

Heavy Dose of Spring

Turns out my kids really love camping. And by camping I mean ALL their pillows and blankets, some electronic gaming devices, and snacks in the comfort of their own tent set up inside the house. The weather isn't quite warm enough yet, but it's getting close. And until we can sleep in the backyard, we'll just keep tenting it up in the spare bedroom.

Turns out the aquarium also has a great indoor play area. I think we are seeing less and less of the animals and more and more of this playground. It's epic. Where were these places when I was a kid?

And before the kite-eating tree had its way with our kites, we also found out the Dude really loves kite flying. It's awethome!

 

Shows how smart our schools are. They let me chaperone Nut's fieldtrip to the zoo. I even got to ride on the bus the whole there and back. I was easily the loudest and most disruptive. I have a reputation to maintain.

 

I was also able to dig the bikes out and get them tuned up and ready to go. I love that these Littles love riding bikes. I'm still working on the love for baseball, but I'll settle for bikes in the meantime.