Sunday, April 16, 2017

Scariest moment of my life. Some guy comes to my back door and starts knocking on it. I don't recognize him. I don't know how he got there. I look around and he's got crap all over my yard. He says he's got money and candy. He just wants to talk to my kids.

Well, only an idiot would fall for that one. Nice try guy.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Work Horses

Staying with Aunt Anna for the week taught these kids some valuable life lessons. One is that Aunt Anna is a blast to spend time with. Two is that Aunt Anna likes to outshine anyone else who spends time watching the kids. And three is that she will put you to work. So on a hot and sunny Thursday I bought lemonade from my own kids and niece and nephew.
They don't really like grocery shopping. But they do like two aisles at the store. One is the aisle with all the cookies and treats. There are never enough cookies, red vines, Swedish fish or sour patch kids in our shopping cart. And for some reason, the other aisle is the cleaning supplies. Either because they love my example of cleaning or they think I should clean more. I like to think it's the former. But every time we go down this aisle they run to the feathered dusters and get to work. This time I caught them. Too bad when I hand them these tools at home they just have blank stares for me...

Monday, June 29, 2015

I'm Going To Die

After she got out those words smothered in tears and hyperventilation, Little Nut had a great time at my company's Lagoon Day. Little did I know the free-fall ride would get her so worked up. This is the girl that raises her arms in the air and screams with delight when we drive downhill. The one who cheated her height to get onto rollercoasters when she was as young as three. The one who went on Tower of Terror four times on our last trip to Disneyland. So yes. I forced her, in her agony, onto the ride. She's ok now and recovering. But it was a sight to see! And suddenly Liitle Dude didn't want to go on any ride that had stairs leading up to it. Because he has learned that stairs going up means ride going down. He clung onto a pole and refused to continue. So I broke both his arms and hauled him up the ride. It was a rough start to the day for the Littles, but everyone rides in this family! After having them both in tears in the first 30 minutes, I was able to convince them to enjoy the rest of the day. Uncle Kip and Aunt Brittany came with us, as did Grandpa Mike and Grandma Paula.

The kids wanted prizes so I had to play some of the carny booths. I outmuscled the "how fast can you throw" booth for some nice Dodgers flags. And Grandma and Grandpa helped the Littles pop balloons and pick get enough duckies for their stuffed animals.

And here's the proof we had fun on the rollercoasters.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015


Little Nut is loving her latest venture into the realm of bows and arrows.
My little huntress.

Little Dude likes watching and waiting for his turn.
We hit up the Pioneer Park Historical Site with Grandpa Mike and Grandma Paula the other day. Besides learning that olden times sucked, we find out that they were also really desperate to appear taller back then. Weird. 
We also hit up the pool. At first the Dude didn't want to swim. But when he saw Nut got a snorkel and mask for learning how to dive, he was all about it. And you can see here, there she is in the background floating around rubbing it in on him. He'll be diving soon for sure now.


Yeah, they're usually smiling. And that's good. But I also love the range of faces and emotions kids go through. I can't help but laugh when they're mad. They try so hard to be angry at whatever is going on and I can only take it as an immediate challenge to get them to laugh too. I busted these two Littles the other day for just picking on each other. Whatever it was I just couldn't take the snapping and biting and whining anymore. So I put them in each in a chair. I started laughing so hard on the inside because they were trying so hard to stay mad at each other on the outside.

Within seconds they were laughing too. Apologized to each other and to me. A hug and a squeeze and they were back to playing. When I spanked them to bed that night I told them I was proud they chose to turn their attitudes around. I'm a lucky dad to have these little dorks.

Uncle Kip built the kids a rope swing the other day. Apparently he forgot to educate them on the principle of where you start your swing and how that relates to the path your swing will take you on. So the next day while I was working I heard a crash and then a cry. Little Nut came in crying and showed me a nice fresh wound on her left elbow. Turns out she ran straight into the tree the rope swing hung from. As I'm wiping the scrape and the tears I hear a familiar noise. Yep. A crash and a scream. And in came Little Dude with tears and a scrape. When all the sadness had finally left and all mortal wounds were bandaged, I took the Littles back outside to move the rope swing a few more feet out on the branch and educated them on the principles of physics, motion and trajectories. No wounds or tears since, but I do love these faces!

Monday, June 8, 2015

The Dude Expands His Horizons

How quickly his biking abilities are evolving. Just last year, all he was willing to do was ride in the carrier seat up front. And this year he moved to the tag-along tandem. But already he wants his own little peddler. I'm shocked!

Excellent Attendance

There was an end of year assembly at school last week. I found out the morning of the event. We weren't told there'd be any award for Bubble Toes, but she asked me to come anyway. And since I can't turn down an opportunity to be surrounded by people of my same mental capacity, I went to the elementary school. Turns out she won an award. Turns out that award was for Excellent Attendance.

 And as I thought about it, that should be an award I get at least partial credit for. I mean, I'm the one that drags her out of bed, feeds her breakfast, makes her lunch and drops her off . . . on time! So here is the picture I am submitting for the Wall of Awards. I think I've earned it!