You know what goes super good with summer time and heat? Front yard sprinkler parties. And you know what goes super well with front yard sprinkler parties? Cupcakes. And you know what's really fun to do with cupcakes during a front yard sprinkler party in the heat of summer? Rub the frosting on your lips like lipstick.
The best housemates money can buy (even though I didn't buy them).
A stable income (albeit a modest one).
A reliable car (keeping me reliably poor).
Good family.
A charming personality.
And a look on my face that usually means I just got away with something.
But one thing has always escaped me. Until Friday. It took 12 years of city league softball, more than 250 games, and over 1000 at-bats. But it finally happened. My little body took a slowly pitched, over-sized, yellow-green softball and put it over the fence in right center field for a home run. I was always told, in sports, when you make a great play act like you've been there before. Like you've done it a million times. Well, there was not a soul at the park that night that would have thought I did this all the time. As I ran toward first base I opened my arms and looked to my teammates in the dugout (there weren't that many cuz the bases were loaded at the time of the hit) and screamed, "Can you believe it?!" As I hit second base I did my honorary Kirk Gibson fist pump (I had always dreamed of the day when I could do that). Third base was greeted with a full 360° spin and cheer. And as I headed to home plate even the umpire came forward to high five me. Once I safely arrived in the arms of my teammates I had a hug for all the guys and a kiss for each girl. I was given the ball I hit once it had been recovered but since we only had the one, they had to use it to keep playing the game.
So what now, you ask? I'd go to Vegas but I already know how my luck is there. Maybe a lottery ticket? Maybe I'll explain this to my boss. Could be time for a raise. I am a home run hitter now!
I don't have the money for it. It's like the Littles can smell the cash whenever I have it on me. And when I have it on me I too feel the desire to get rid of it as soon as possible. Were I a lone man in shadier neighborhoods I might have a different story to tell. With that said, my cash this week went to a bunch of dirty travelling carnies at the Fiesta Days celebration in Spanish Fork.
Well, I guess the face painters aren't travelling carnies.
They were pretty nice and did a good job purpling up Adelaide's face.
We rode the Merry-Go-Round.
Walked through a funhouse. Adventured through some slide slash climbing slash bridge thingy. Twice. We ate at the Two Jack's on Main Street. Bought Reggie a ninja sword. Bought Adelaide her Chinese fan (and the obsession with everything China continues).
By the time we got home and got Reggie into bed, it was time for Addie and me to put the lawn chairs up on the roof and watch the Pioneer Day fireworks. I guess its ok. These kids treat me way better than the drugs ever would.
Some people may underestimate the sneakiness of The Dude. I am not one of these people. I have woken up enough mornings to find him laying sound asleep in my bed to know he knows the arts of the stealthy ones. But every now and then I'll actually be awake when he makes his attempt. And if I'm smart I'll still pretend to be asleep so I can watch the show. Last night was one of those nights. It was closing in on 3 A.M. and I was having trouble falling asleep. Slowly and sweetly, my bedroom door starts to open. It wasn't a surprise as only a few seconds earlier I heard his bedroom door open and then close. See? He leaves no trace. He timidly takes a step into my room. I lay still pretending to be asleep as he surveys the room and the takes in the situational details. Another step toward my bed. Then stops. I don't move. Two steps. Stops. Now I close my eyes a little more so he thinks they're completely shut. He climbs the side of my bed and uses his hands to guide himself over my legs and onto "his" side of the bed. He rearranges the pillow, pulls the blanket up over himself and rolls over. I smile. After a minute I work up the courage, "Goodnight, Dude." One second. Two seconds. "Nigh, Da."
By "still" I mean "up to this day and into the foreseeable future".
By "got" I mean "possesses".
And by "it" I mean "the attributes of awesomeness" of course.
So another acceptable name for this post would be:
I, up to this day and into the foreseeable future, possess the attributes of awesomeness.
And now I'll prove it.
CASE #1 For the first time since Ethan and I coached our Strike 4 softball team to a Men's Middle Recreational Championship in 2005, I have once again proven my softball prowess by winning yet another championship in Coed Lower Recreation. Now you may think I play these bottom division softball teams on purpose, hoping to cruise into play-offs only to beat obviously inferior teams. Well, you'd be right, if it were true. But rest at ease that we played the final three games of this latest tournament on a scorching hot Summer day. And in the last three innings of the third game under the blazing sun I committed six errors. That's right, six times the ball came to me I found a way to totally screw up the play. Luckily we were up enough runs early that my horribleness didn't ruin the whole thing for us. See? Best of the worst. And I accept that. With a big smile. And a shiny new shirt.
CASE #2 Apparently my body still refuses to age at a normal human rate. This only further enhances the possibility that I may in fact be a super hero. Although I have yet to discover my super power and my planet of origin, I have noticed that I am fully capable of doing what no other mere mortal can do. Survive on ice cream.
CASE #3 Kids still love me. I can still take a screaming child, that is not my own, sit her on my lap, and have her totally passed out in three minutes. Of course it could be the fact that she has no interest in my espn.com or the MLB standings or my mock draft for fantasy football. But I like to think that I just bring a high level of comfort to those around me. Yep. That's what I like to think.
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. Back to making up stories and exaggerating about life with The Dude and Bubble Toes.
When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary (to eat at Texas Roadhouse and be very irreverent only to have your daughter catch the whole thing on video when you think she's just playing games on your phone).
Had a great time this weekend. It started with watching a Salt Lake Bees AAA baseball game where the good guys won it in the bottom of the ninth with a game winning grand slam. That was followed by a fireworks show capped off with a midnight run to Idaho Falls.
Our first day was at Lava Hot Springs. And although thunderstorms showed up in the late afternoon we still got in plenty of water fun. Reggie loves swimming the pools and absolutely hates being too short to ride most of the rides. Adelaide probably spent three full hours jumping off the diving boards.
We spent the next day floating the Warm River outside of Ashton, Idaho where The Dude (river nickname: ThunderBoy) and BubbleToes (river nickname: Princess Beautiful) got their first taste of river rapids and adventure. A pretty mild ride, but with Uncle Rick (river nickname: BigBuff) steering for every bump and me (river nickname: King Handsome) throwing kids overboard, it's still an adventure.
It was great to visit with Wendy and Jake and their two babies who all came in from Hawaii, Kip and Brittany, Rick and Jen and the foursome of fun, and of course Big Daddy Bingo and Big Mama.
Here's The Dude reminding me he doesn't pose for pictures.
The Dude found his new favorite hat.
I painted BubbleToes' finger nails for the first time in her life.
