So my parenting skills often come under scrutiny. I don't see why. I'm a fantastic dad. I tell myself every night after I get done spanking the kids to sleep. So I thought it might be a good idea to give some pointers to the parents out there seeking advice.
POINT 1
After you light the candles of a birthday cake, and when everyone is singing to the birthday child, throw the cake on the ground (acting, of course, like you dropped it in a fit of clumsiness) just to remind the child that you can ruin anything for them. At any time. With people watching. It's my "you never know" tactic to keep them scared straight.
POINT 2
When it's raining, take them puddle jumping.
POINT 3
When they are struggling, video it.
PS- They're not allowed to ride on the seats with seat belts until they start helping to pay for insurance.
POINT 4
When teaching them to dive, tell the child you are going to trade them out for a different child if they can't do it.
POINT 5
If they think a song in a commercial is funny, make them sing it.
No comments:
Post a Comment