For The Troops

Parenting 101

So my parenting skills often come under scrutiny. I don't see why. I'm a fantastic dad. I tell myself every night after I get done spanking the kids to sleep. So I thought it might be a good idea to give some pointers to the parents out there seeking advice.

 

POINT 1

After you light the candles of a birthday cake, and when everyone is singing to the birthday child, throw the cake on the ground (acting, of course, like you dropped it in a fit of clumsiness) just to remind the child that you can ruin anything for them. At any time. With people watching. It's my "you never know" tactic to keep them scared straight.

 

POINT 2

When it's raining, take them puddle jumping.

POINT 3

When they are struggling, video it.

PS- They're not allowed to ride on the seats with seat belts until they start helping to pay for insurance.

POINT 4

When teaching them to dive, tell the child you are going to trade them out for a different child if they can't do it.

POINT 5

If they think a song in a commercial is funny, make them sing it.

A May to Remember

Spring has come to our little West Jordan like a raging bull. Suddenly we have gorgeous sunny days and the Littles love whipping out the bikes and hitting the streets and local parks. Bubble Toes is doing all her riding this year and loves to lead in Follow the Leader. And the Dude has graduated to the tag-along rider. Except I don't remember Bubble Toes trying these stunts out at his age...

A perk of having the best real estate agent in the state is when he invites you to a private VIP screening of the new Avengers movie. Yep, I'm talking plush leather over-sized chairs, an ice cream bar (not ice cream on a stick, but an actual bar that serves you any ice cream you want), food catered to your seat and servants who clean your house while you're at the theater. Well, the last perk would have been a nice touch if it were real. But the rest was awesome. Oh, and we loved the movie too!

Thanks to Uncle Kip and Aunt Brittany we also sneaked in a California trip to see cousin PJ get dunked in the waters of baptism. So being home, close to the beach and surrounded by family, this is the only photo I got. Nice, right? The Maya Inn strikes again!

With Spring also comes outdoor activities. The kids were out on the patio chalking it up when I asked Reggie what the deal was with his stick figure. He was so proud. His stick figure ... has a wiener.

Mom and Dad also passed through town on their way home from California. Just to remind everyone that if we see a Yankees fan they'll get two things. A nice smile. And a punch in the guts.

On a side note. These kids eat too much. Recently the not-to-be-named state-run child oversight organization insisted that not only do I feed them daily, but I have to feed them MULTIPLE times a day! What a crock. Are other people being forced into this too?! My microwave is going to hate me.