To The Bastard

Well, well, well. We meet again. Three times in my life I have purchased a long board. And now, three times in my life she has been stolen from me. Kate I was taken right from my own garage. I guess that serves me right for leaving my personal property inside the confines of my own home. Kate II was stolen less than two years later from the coat closet of my church building. I thought if my belongings weren't safe in my home they would at least be safe in the Lord's house. And then this last Saturday... I was skating my usual river trail when I became distracted. I stepped off the board to go for a walk. I placed Kate III sweetly into the bushes off to the side fo the walking trail. Apparently I should have used a fallen branch to cover my footprints because when I returned, she was gone. Kate the IV was created that same afternoon at my local skate shop.

But to the bastard that keeps stealing my long board I say this:

I will find you. You have way too many of my boards now. Eventually I will see my customized board on the trail under your feet. And when I see your act of defilement upon my lovely lady, I will JACRACK your skull down into your spine. I will have fun doing it and make it a long drawn out event. You are the local magistrate of Lannock I will William Wallace the crap out of you. I will Fight Club your Jared Leto self. I will Superman II you like a trucker in some dive diner. I will Quantum Leap you right into the ground (see episode 59, the end scene). I'm gonna put your Karate Kid corpse into a body bag and "Hey You Guys" your goonie face up and down the river trail. And quite possibly the best, I will Robert Downey Jr your Billy Zane. So be ready. I am.

Oh, and I recognize you probably don't read my blog, so that's what makes this so fun. You still don't know it's coming!

Me and Kate III